I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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