Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
