Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize