Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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