your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
