the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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