and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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