I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
