his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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