Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
