God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
BRING THE BAGELS
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
