And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
