I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
