fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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