Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
