I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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