fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
