I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
