those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize