My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize