I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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