im drinking this country out of the recession.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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