why didn't you poke me back
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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