I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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