everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
