sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
where am i from again
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
