i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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