I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your penis caused this!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
