Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
