I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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