Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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