my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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