i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
