they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
