who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
