dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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