drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize