you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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