It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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