your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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