please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
