Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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