and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
