Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
