It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
