you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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