dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
