there was a trapeze. enough said
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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