mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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