Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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