dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
