I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
