dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
