What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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