I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
