She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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