I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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