She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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I wish there were birth control emojis
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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