While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
