When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
