I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
