U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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