The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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