went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize