she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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