I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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