legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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