I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
