its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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