Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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