rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
