Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
