doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
