Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
