New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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