she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I deserve this hangover.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
