The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
