Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
