I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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