I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
